Hey everyone! It’s Juniper again! This time I’m writing for business, not pleasure-if my last post even counts as pleasurable. You see, as a senior member of the Student Planning Committee, I have to plan next year’s major school events. So I thought I would start by planning Homecoming, maybe give a few suggestions for Winter activities, and move on into Spring Fling. Apparently, this is unacceptable because we are supposed to focus on the last and most important event of the school year first: Prom.
Look, I have no problem with prom, OK? It’s an unofficial right of passage for our middle-class tribe. We dress like wealthy, mature adults, and then act like a clan of Bonobos. There’s nothing wrong with that (unless you don’t like to communicate through groin-rubbing), however, do we really have to plan sooooo far ahead?
Well, my concerns were overruled by the rest of the committee. My friend Justin, who I thought would defend me, was actually the most vocal on the importance of prom and mentioned how bad our high school has been at picking themes. I at least agree with him on this point.The “Sarah Palin” theme in ’09 was really weird, the “Book of Job” theme was nauseating, the “Right to Bare Arms” theme I’m pretty sure was incredibly illegal, and the “Abstinence” theme last year was just awkward. I’ve heard those themes were all chosen by Mrs. Dillard, who died last year. She was 91.
“Book of Job Prom” theme = creepiest night ever
Well, if we’re raising that bar, we better make it a class-act. So I suggested “The Four Seasons.” People could wear dresses inspired by the different seasons, and we could have the school orchestra playing Vivaldi’s Spring as everyone’s coming in, and progress musically through the different seasons throughout the night!
The response was not enthusiastic. I suggested an informal prom. That suggestion unleashed a tidal wave of wrath and indignation upon me for daring to desecrate the holy purpose of prom with the idea of an informal dance. So, I said I’d think on it a few days, and decided to open it up to the people of Byron City (and beyond) for ideas. I hope I don’t regret this.
So what do you think would be a good theme for prom?
The City of Byron City 
How about an All-American theme, like “Anti-Communism Prom”? There could be statues of felled dictators around, American flags everywhere with tattered North Korean and Soviet Union flags, and a picture of Barack Obama blotted out with spray paint.
“Fake Moon Landing Prom” theme. It would be easy, you just have to use the same props as NASA used back in ’69. Hell, you could probably tell their parents that the students ACTUALLY went to the moon, since they were stupid enough to believe we ever went to the moon in the first place.
Great thinking, Jun-bug! Why didn’t you ask me at home, I have tons of great ideas! How about something that’s fun AND educational, like “Non-High-Frustose Corn Syrup Prom”? Or embrace diversity while keeping it fun, like “The Bernstein Bears – Jewish Appreciation” Dance? Oh, I have so many ideas, I’ll tell you all about them when you get home from school today.
Um, I think I might have enough ideas from other people, Mom. But, uh…thanks?
A high schooler in my medical office didn’t know who Queen was! Unbelievable! So you should do “We Will Rock You (Until 11PM)” theme.
I LOVED the Book of Job theme! I think you should do another popular bible story, like “Noah’s Ark Prom,” all the kids could dress as different animals, dancing two by two in the ark, tehe. You could also do something more for the young girls, like “Book of Ruth Prom.” That would really help empower them, I think.
I went to Prom with your Mom! Hahahahahaha…
“Right to Bare Arms” kicked booty. I suggest a follow up, the “Hunters Needed to Curb Deer Overpopulation Prom” theme, or “Border Patrol” Prom. Theme done. You’re welcome.
Dudes, all your themes suck. “Hotel Californai” Prom. Its set up like a hotel on the beach and each couple gets their own private room. That’d be the best.
That idea will never fly. P.S. You’re gross.
Well this has been a huge waste of time. Thank you to all the weirdos who live in my city.
We are on the lookout for clothing and elegance suggestions in the competitive for a girl more than 27.. . Any person fully understand high quality online sites or perhaps blogs?. . Looks like every little thing I’ve found is undoubtedly as well geared toward youngsters or possibly incredibly steeply-priced couture.. . Kudos!.