Welcome to the new Classifieds page! If you live in Byron City and have something to post, email Claire Jenson of the Byron Gazette at email@example.com
Discounted Easy Lifters
I’m selling 2 for $20! That’s such a steal, you should go to prison! I also have a lot of other inventions, such as the Don’t Be Alarmed Clock, Pet Flare Guns, Soap for Soap, Disposable Keys, Bike Toilets, Love Handles, Hot Ice Cream, Stain Mover, Waterless Swimming Pools, I’m Not Crazy Glue, and more!
Contact Tom at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hot Models Wanted
Looking for some models to do a bikini photoshoot for me. I’m a pretty awesome photographer. Requirements: be hot, D-cup, and be willing to work for free. No nudity, unless it ends up going that way. Shots will look great in both of our portfolios.
Contact Brandon at email@example.com
Male seeking female
If you ladies are looking for a man who shaves his chest, wears scarves, and likes sipping tea while listening to Bon Iver, then I AM not the man for you. My balls are too big to fit through the doors of J Crew, and my bicepts are strong enough to carry anything but your purse. If you’re looking for a real man who kicks major bootie day-in day-out, contact me, and let me bow your frickin’ mind juices.
Contact Bob at firstname.lastname@example.org
Male seeking Female
Contact Jerry at 1-800-Finance (that’s my work number, just ask for me by name!)
T’What? Fire Sword of Arakron
T’When? Lost around 9:30, Thursday, March 22, the 2012th year of our Lord.
W’Where? My quarters at Hillside Apartments, or Jerry’s Pub
Ye Reward? Verily. $100
If found, contact me at email@example.com