Turtle Doves: Not Mutant Flying Turtles

On the first day of Christmas, my true love wanted a very traditional christmas, so she got me a very “traditional” gift. It was not the leather massage recliner I asked for, nor the mini-helicopter. Nope. Instead of getting what you ask for, girls like to “surprise” you. And I have to admit, I was surprised. She got me two Turtle Doves.

I got HER a really nice watch. One of those watches with diamonds on them that costs WAY more than it should. And I got two Turtle Doves. At first I was like, “Cool! Flying Turtles! It’s like my boyhood fantasy of hanging out with the teenage mutant ninjas come true!” Not so. Turns out that Turtle Doves are just regular doves that have nothing to do with turtles. And they crap everywhere. Here’s a question to all of the scientists in charge of naming things: Why would you call one species by the name of a completely different species? How about Penguin Dogs? Sheep Monkeys? Sasquatch Unicorns? It makes no sense. It’s as though you just put the names of all the world’s animals into a big bag and the first name you pulled out, you tacked onto the front of “dove.” Here, let me help you rename the Turtle Dove to something more appropriate: Sucky Doves. Much better. Now I know exactly what kind of animal it is.

Blame it on scientists with all left brain and no right. At least Turtle Doves aren’t as annoying as four calling-birds she got me last year. The four eating-snakes at the community college seemed to like them better.

– Rashad

P.S. I’ve heard of something called the Turgarine (Turtle-Allagator-Wolverine). Not sure if it’s myth or real. Anyone know?