New Mayor Sir Ryan has imposed some incredibly strange laws lately, and has shown that he is not messing around. Currently, the city jail is overflowing with “law-breakers,” including people who forgot to wear renaissance clothes on “Medieval Fridays” and vegan restaurant owners who refused to serve giant turkey legs on their menu. However, it would appear that most inmates are members of the Celtic Club, a group hated by Sir Ryan as the rival group to his Medieval Club, and the latest group to rebel against the new laws.
When Sir Ryan became mayor, he passed a law banning the Celtic Club. Threatening jail time to anyone caught “Celtic Clubbing,” it’s members were forced underground. But it looks like membership in the club, instead of shrinking, is beginning to swell as a resistance movement to the leadership of the increasingly unpopular Mayor Sir Ryan.
Members have been meeting in secret, only publicly identifiable by the shamrock pins they wear on their jackets, and by exchanging a secret “Stonehendge Handshake” that I haven’t seen in person yet. They are believed to be planning the beginning stages of a revolt, along with deciding the theme to next years Spring “Druids and Daisies” Festival, both of which fills Sir Ryan with absolute terror.
My source inside the Mayor’s office tells me that Sir Ryan may be planning something drastic soon to thin out their numbers.
Mayor Chuck, former mayor of Byron City who was driven out of office due to unethical activity, is still missing, and is sorely missed by us citizens. Several people have posted signs reading “Bring Back Chuck!” Those signs have been confiscated and the citizens who posted them have been fined for disturbing the peace.
I’m a gossip columnist, but today I’m turning political activist. I encourage anyone reading to join the Celtic Club resistance movement. If you desire to do so, simply pin a clover to your jacket and wait. Don’t try to contact them, they will contact you. Since I will most likely be arrested for this post, I have decided to go “underground” and will continue posting in secret.
May the Celtic Goddess Andraste help us all.