Giant Bat-Gate: How to Genetically Engineer an Election

It’s all coming together.

Citizens of Byron City, I’ve recently discovered the reason for the increase in giant bats in Byron City. It was caused by the unbridled political aspirations of our esteemed, mild mannered Mayor Chuck Barther!

I wrote a few weeks back about a noticeable increase in the amount of giant bat sightings we’ve been having in Byron City, but I had yet to come up with a credible explanation. Then just this morning, as I was monitoring my home outside in my ghillie suit from my hollowed-out elm tree I noticed a mysterious man wearing a dark cloak approaching. I had just finished squaring up my tranquilizing gun when I noticed him drop a mysterious envelope on my front door. I opened it, and after checking it for monitoring devices or traces of weaponized bird flu, I read it. It contained 5 pages.

Page 1- a letter, hand-written in very elaborate cursive, telling me that Mayor Chuck is responsible for all the giant bats, and that if I were to assist him in usurping the Mayor, he would help me hunt and destroy them, along with making sure no more queers or Mexicans moved into our town.

Page 2- proof in the form of pictures and audio tape, of Mayor Chuck giving illegal political favors to Occupy Byron City protestors in exchange for them to quit protesting and leave City Hall. This explains why it ended so abruptly and why Mayor Chuck was so defensive over accusations of a scandal.

Page 3- picture of Mayor Chuck getting a free refill on his coke at the Renaissance Festival when free refills were NOT included.

Page 4- a really scary picture of a giant bat (included below)

Page 5- a document containing only the handwritten phrase, “The City will be Mine!” and the words “Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha” over and over again, in red ink.

“Bwah ha ha” is right, giant bats. The city will be ours again. Your days are numbered. And so are yours, Mayor Chuck. Next time you’ll think twice before genetically engineering an election. Thank you, mysterious cloaked man. You have my support.

– Bill Grue

Giant bat, or demon from hell? The answer: yes.

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