Medieval Mayor Removed From Office

Sir Ryan

Sir Ryan

Mayor of Byron City Sir Ryan has been forcibly removed from office by the State following proof of gross misconduct, including corruption, blackmail, extortion, intimidation, and misuse of power. He will more than likely face jail time.

State officials have taken over administration of city government because of the “Byron City Mayoral mess,” a series of screw ups in which the city council appointed Sir Ryan, and allowed him to run the government into the ground while plunging the entire city into virtual anarchy.

A special election will be held, overseen by the state, within the next few months.

For those unfamiliar with Mayor Sir Ryan, here is a timeline of his “reign of terror” as Byron City Mayor (and yes, that is his legal name, ‘Sir’ is his first name and ‘Ryan’ is his last; he had it legally changed when he turned 18 from the less “royal” name of Ryan Michonzski).

Mayor Sir Ryan Timeline

May 1, 2012

Mayor Charles "Chuck" Barther

Mayor Charles “Chuck” Barther

Mayor Chuck accused of bribery and corruption

Jul 2,2012
Mayor Chuck denies allegations, resigns, gives press the middle finger

Aug 3, 2012
Sir Ryan Appointed Mayor by City Council

Sept 11, 2012
Sir Ryan unveils new “laws,” including:

  • Mandatory Medieval Fridays
  • Forces all restaurants to serve giant turkey legs
  • Commissions the building of a new LARP Arena
  • Exiles former Mayor Chuck
  • Forces a woman to be his girlfriend
  • Forces the High School Cheerleading team to call themselves “The Harpy Squad”
  • Outlawes the rival club, The Celtic Club
Sign of the Celtic Club Resistance Movement

Secret sign of the Celtic Club Resistance Movement

Sept 14, 2012

Celtic Club starts resistance movement to “Sir Ryan’s Reign of Terror”

Sept 25, 2012
Sir Ryan Accused of Muzzling the Press

Oct 29, 2012
Sir Ryan Enforces more unpopular changes, including:

  • Replaces streetlights with torchlight
  • Lowers speed limit to 10mph, the “max acceptable speed of a beast of burden.”
  • Shuts down bus service, replacing it with handcarts pulled by “serfs”
  • Turns fire department into convent of Gregorian monks

Oct 30, 2012
Celtic Club Resistance movement gains serious momentum

LARP Battle on the Elf Fantasy Fair, METRO 21-04-07Dec 22, 2012
Celtic Club holds a festival/protest on the grounds of City Hall. Mayor Sir Ryan dispatches his own private force of medieval club warriors to disperse the group, and a giant LARP battle commences. Mayor Sir Ryan is defeated and goes into hiding.

Jan 15, 2013
Police determine that Mayor Sir Ryan was being held hostage by Byron City citizen, survivalist and conspiracy theorist Bill Grue, most likely in one of his many emergency bunkers. Which one, the police were unable to determine.

Feb 11, 2013
After nearly two months missing, Sir Ryan turns up, duct taped to the wall of city hall with a box full of pictures, videos, and documents proving the occurrence of fraud, bribery, blackmail, misuse of power, intimidation, and illegal use of resources. (mission mayor found)

Today
It has been announced that a special election will be held within the month to elect a new LEGITIMATE mayor. Whole process to be overseen by the state, since Byron City has been deemed “inept.”

Sir Ryan Appointed New Mayor of Byron City

In a shocking announcement this morning  from the City Council of Byron City, it has been revealed that Sir Ryan has officially been appointed the new Mayor of Byron City.

Mayor Sir Ryan

The appointment was announced during a press conference this morning with key members of the City Council. After much speculation as to who would be appointed as new mayor to replace the disgraced and resigned Mayor Chuck. Although Sir Ryan was a rumoured consideration, most citizens considered him a long shot because of how weird he is.

But the “weird factor” did not seem to be an issue with the City Council.

“We considered a lot of great people, but in the end, Sir Ryan was the one we thought most capable and suitable to give us all what we need. Especially that piece of land sitting behind my house that past mayors wouldn’t let me buy since it’s a nature preserve. That’s probably something really good he could give to certain cooperative citizens. And maybe some Manolo Blahniks,” said council member Laurel Sandberg wrapped in a fur coat, even though it’s the middle of august.

“Sir Ryan will make an excellent, kind, and generous mayor, and will never in a million years threaten the peace of me and my family or expose past embarrassments that may or may not have occurred during some awkward stages in my life. All praise Sir Ryan!” said a slightly nervous looking council member Brian Havig.

But not all citizens were as supportive or excited about the appointment.

“This is #$^;(*@! There’s no way the council chose that faggy little minstrel over me,” said citizen and former mayor hopeful Bob Van Daniels. “Something fishy is going on here, and I won’t rest until I find out what. I rarely sleep anyways, mostly because I don’t need to sleep because I kick serious balls all day and all night, but as of this moment I’m devoting all of my ball-kicking time to Sir Ryan’s balls! Watch your back!”

Sir Ryan’s female rivals seemed equally displayed. “Something foul stenches the air, yonder. A bleak and heavy cloud accompanies the humour of that louse. To him wilst I cast a pox, and unfetter his mealworm’ed treachery,” said the outspoken Lady Cerridwen, leader of the city’s Celtic Club, rival group of Sir Ryan’s Medieval Club.

Sir Ryan could not be reached for comment, but his campaign representative, a man dressed as a jester who calls himself Dave, handed a statement to the press written on scroll parchment that said, “Hark! Verily the day of reckoning is at hand. Ye shall all bow before the rod of Mayor Ryan, else’t the rod of power which should be so tender at this moment will grow hard and strike thee down in furious retribution. And you’re not allowed to make any ‘That’s What She Said’ jokes about my rod of power. You know what I mean. Grow up.”

Dark days may be ahead for Byron City. Dark Days.