I went to shopping at Walmart to buy little things for my grandkids early Friday morning, like I do every Friday, and for some reason there was a huge mob of people running out of the store with stereos and TVs and bags of things at a frantic pace. Riot? Occupy Wall Street? World War 3? A black family moved in down the street? What was going on, and why hadn’t I heard about it on the Today Show?
Not one to break plans, I went in anyway. Inside, it was worse: pushing, biting, yelling, swearing, lighting things on fire, even a man crying on his knees next to a fallen friend. What was going on? I was so confused, more so than usual, so I tried to leave, but before I knew it someone had maced me and stolen my Hoveround, and when I finally crawled out and made it back to the bus stop, I somehow had a big screen 3D TV, a $2 waffle iron, and something for gardening called an iPod.
My grandchildren were so disappointed on Sunday when I showed up without the saltwater taffy I usually buy, and only had a TV and that iPod thingy to give them. I’ll make it up to them on Christmas by stuffing their stocking with extra boxes of raisins. Not sure what to do with this other stuff I left the store with…oh, what’s this? An XBox? What’s inside of an XBox? Sounds dirty. Where’s my letter opener…