About thomasrathejr

Hi, Thomas Rathe Jr. here, inventor, town celebrity, and owner of the town’s biggest house! But most know me as inventor of Easy Lifter. I've always got great ideas, so feel free to email me and pick my brain!

Investment Opportunities!!!

Look, a few days have gone by and not many of you are coming by to take advantage of the incredible deal I offered on my Easy Lifters. And it’s ok, because now I have something even better: investment opportunities! I have a lot of other great ideas that I think are going to be big. We’re talking “Next iPod” big!

Check out my list. These are all in prototype form for now, but I thought I’d give the wonderful citizens of my home town of Byron City the chance to get in on the ground floor. And all these ideas are patented, so don’t you dare think of stealing them! Jk (but seriously, don’t).

1- A Don’t-Be-Alarmed Clock Tired of an alarm clock that only tells you when you’re late? This alarm clock chimes in at random times of the day to tell you everything is ok, with messages like, “Hi Dave, it’s 12:15 and everything is fine. You’re doing great, buddy.”

2- Pet Flare Guns Your pets will never get lost again!

Pet Flare Guns

Pet Flare Guns- Fido will never lose his way again!

3- Soap Soap- The Soap for Soap! Do other people in your home use the same bar of soap as you do? Who knows WHAT they’re cleaning with it?! Now you can have peace of mind with new Soap Soap. The only soap designed to clean soap.

4- Disposable Keys Who has room anymore for a keyring of ugly, uncomfortable metal keys? Introducing Disposable Keys! Just lock, then toss! And they’re biodegradable, so it’s good for the environment!

5- Bike Toilets Go when you’re on the go!

6- Love Handles Not fat but still want love? Buy these patented Love Handles to give that special someone something to hold on to!

7- Hot Ice Cream Because not everyone likes their ice cream cold!

8- Stain Mover For people who like stains, but want them moved to a different place.

9- Waterless Swimming Pools Scared of water? Have small children? No problem!

10- I’m not Crazy Glue When you need a bond that sticks, but don’t want the neighbors to look at you funny.

That’s all for now, so let me know how many of each you’d like to buy, and I’ll be over to your house for a personalized demonstration. I take cash or check. No card, because honestly, who would ever want an invention that lets individual venders take credit card payments on their Smart Phones? Now that’s a dumb idea.

Super New Deal! I’m not desperate!

Hi, Thomas Rathe Jr. here, inventor, town celebrity, and as most of you know, creator of Easy Lifter. Exciting news! The factory that makes the Easy Lifter is closing down, so now the unemployment of thousands of factory workers means huge savings for you! For a limited time, you can get the Easy Lifter for even less than advertised in my infomercials!

The Extraordinary Easy Lifter!

“What?!” you say. “Even CHEAPER?! Are you going to just give them away?” Haha, no. No, I’m not. But instead of getting not one, but TWO Easy Lifters for four easy payments of $19.99, I’m giving you THREE Easy Lifters for one easy payment of 50 bucks. Seriously, I have the factory’s entire inventory sitting in my garage right now. All you have to do is drive over and hand me a fifty. I’m not kidding. That’s so cheap, it’s like you’re wearing ski masks, handcuffing me to the radiator, taking my valuables, and making my wife cheat on me and divorce me and force me to pay a hefty alimony and take my kids away, because this deal is a serious STEAL!

Here’s a refresher on how the Easy Lifter can make your life easier:

“Tired of always picking things up and putting them down? Are you always dropping things with your clumsy, human hands? Don’t you wish there was an easier way? There is! Introducing the Easy Lifter! The fun and easy way to pick things up!

In the past, picking things up was complicated and tiring. You had to reach out your arms, open your hands and each of your ten fingers, close your hands around the object, tighten your fingers, and lift while and calculating the weight resistance in your head while coordinating the appropriate muscle flex. Does it have to be so complicated?

Not anymore! The Easy Lifter lets you lift and carry objects in three easy steps: 1) Open, 2) Close, and 3) Lift! It’s that easy! No more spills, straining, or slipping. Easy Lifter: Give your life a lift! Act now and get the travel size for picking things up on the go, absolutely free!”

Makes moving boiling water safe and easy!

So come buy today! Honestly, you could probably even talk me down from 50 bucks. How about $40? We’ll do this garage-sale style. Also, I have a bunch of DVDs I’m trying to unload. And some kitchen chairs. Anyone want a new big screen LED TV? Hell, tell you what, I’ll just open up my front door, you walk around my house and tell me if anything seems interesting and we’ll talk turkey, k?

So come on by! Deals like this don’t last forever! I mean, they can’t, right? It will be over soon. It has to be…