So I’ve been dating this girl for several months now, and things are going great! She’s super hot — and super psycho. And that’s ok, because it turns out that psycho is a major turn on for me. But I’ve learned a lot dating a psycho hot chick this past year, so I thought I’d share my findings for the rest of the guys out there who might be dating the crazier version of the fairer sex.
Tips for Dating Psycho Hot Chicks
1. Don’t ever get mixed up and call her Ann Taylor pants Lane Bryant pants. Those are two completely different girl stores.
2. When she freaks out, don’t EVER tell her she’s overreacting. She’ll overreact more.
3. If you think she’s mad at you. You’re right. Apologize immediately, and never admit you don’t know why she’s mad at you. It will only make her more mad.
4. If she asks you if you think a pretty girl is pretty:
– Don’t answer no, she’ll know you’re lying.
– Don’t answer yes, she’ll cry all night.
– The correct answer: “She’s cute, but not my type.” Girls aren’t threatened by the word “cute,” and saying “not my type” is like saying she’s not attractive without lying.
5. Don’t ever reveal your own issues. She’ll turn the conversation back to her and one-up you. Every time.
6. Don’t look at her like she’s crazy when she tells you she’s channeling emotions from her blow dryer. And definitely don’t mock her by asking the blow dryer about it’s childhood.
7. If your girlfriend decides she doesn’t like her outfit mid-date, it is your responsibility to buy her a new outfit before continuing the date.
8. When she says she wants to do something super crazy, like start a burlesque all-girl rock band, it’s best to say you support her, even if you don’t. Girls do this weird thing where they test you to make sure you’ll let them be free to do all the crazy crap they think up in their heads, and when they know you’ll let them, they don’t want to do it any more. Weird but true.
9. Never ever ask her if it’s that time of the month if she’s being mean. Even if you’re right, she will claw curse words into your back while you’re sleeping.
10. If you eat at a deli, make sure your food weighs more than hers or she’ll get mad at you for making her look like a pig.
11. Just pretend to scoop up and save that spider, don’t smash it in front of her. She’ll cry all night over the “little bitty spider” that she screamed at you to kill, kill, kill just moments before.
12. Don’t ever tell her that you don’t want her going to her pole dancing classes anymore. It will make her overreact and actually pole dance at a real strip club to spite you. And then she’ll find she likes it. And then you’re dating a stripper. Which, trust me, is not as cool as it sounds.
13. She more than likely has a ton of Facebook pictures that you don’t exactly want other dudes in the general public looking at: bikini pics, slutty Halloween pics, etc.
– Don’t ask her to delete them, she’ll get mad that you’re trying to “control her” and post MORE inappropriate slutty pics (to the delight of FB stalkers everywhere).
– Don’t hack into her account and delete them; she remembers every one of her 1,895 profile pics.
– The correct answer: hack into her account and set the security settings so no one else can see them but her. She won’t notice, and she only cares about seeing herself anyways.
14. Clear your internet history after reading this. If she sees that you read this, a psycho girl freak-out is in your future.
15. Last of all, don’t ever admit that blog post you wrote is about her
That’s it! Hope it helps you other guys out there when it comes to the dangerous and stupid idea of dating the ever-alluring psycho chick. God speed.