About michellestevens123

Doting wife, mother of three beautiful children, head Chef at Le Tableau downtown. the perfect balance of wife, mother, and career. Everything in life is perfect, and I work very hard to keep it that way. Loves!

Decorating for Halloween in less than 27.5 Hours!

Hi everyone, I’m a busy mom balancing family and work, and if you’re like me, you don’t always have the time to decorate for each and every holiday. But I have some tips that can help you create an absolutely perfect family-friendly Halloween home in only 27.5 hours! That’s right, perfect Halloween memories and only miss one night of sleep! So put some coffee on and get ready for an easy yet unforgettable experience that your entire neighborhood will envy. They will. They have to.

Patio décor- only 5 hours 13 minutes, 8 energy shots, and 2 Vicodin

Spooky Dining Room

To create this spook-tacular experience, paint over your labor day colors using the Pumpkin Orange paint hue from Home Depot. While one of your seven coats is drying, get started on the fluffy paper décor. Simply take 3,782 layers of black and grey tissue paper (per fluff) with a couple of layer each segment eight to twelve sheets thick, drink 16 more ounces of coffee, hand fold them to the ruffle consistency desired, use an iron to set the folds, take a couple Fentanyl with three Red Bulls, fluff with a common household blow dryer, spray with your diluted scented paste-water solution, place in clothes dryer on medium heat for  3 minutes, immediately place in freezer, pluck out 14 strands of your own hair, then create the next layer of fluff. Repeat 37 times, bundle together, hang with fishing line, and viola! Hand-made Halloween décor in no time! You’ll have to do several at once while you paint the dinning room. Sip coffee throughout. Take a few more Fentanyl as needed. Discard human hair.

Spooky Dinning Room – 11 hours 49 minutes, 4 pots of coffee, and approx 4 Fentanyl

Home-made Halloween Spirits

This fun little refreshment is a favorite when we host our yearly Halloween Ball for the adults in our neighborhood. To make Spirits, ferment a healthy amount of dextrose/glucose, then Using a 30L air-tight fermenter barrel simply add water sugars and Turbo yeast to make 25L of alcohol base “wash.” After four cappuccinos and an OxyContin to control the “shakes,” use a still to distill and purify your base and separate the water and alcohol, then collect the alcohol vapor and cool it back down to collect high strength distillate at 40% spirit. Run your spirit through a gravity fed “carbon filter” to remove excess impurities, add water and the flavor of your choice, then just siphon it, bottle it in your own decorative bottles, add some fun labels, and let it age until your next big Halloween event!

Halloween Spirits- only 7 working hours and 37 minutes, more with periodic crying breaks.

Live Halloween Decoration

This one is simple and a favorite with our kids. Go to your local pet store and adopt a black cat. Give him a lot of “kitty-safe” sedatives so he stays purring and in place on your arrangement of organically grown pumpkins. Add a festive Halloween collar and maybe paint the claws orange, and that’s it! Don’t worry if you’re not ready to have a full-time pet. You can give him back after Halloween is over. Take some Claritin from your allergy medication storage, and give some to your kids should they have pet allergies.

Live Halloween Decoration- 1 hour 3 minutes, 13 Claritin, 5 Sudafed, mix with a bottle of the Spirits you just made

Hand-embroidered Terror Towels

Do this to add a “horrifying touch” to your bathroom. Buy common white hand towels from your local Bed, Bath and Beyond, and using black or blue thread, hand stitch “Bates Motel” on each towel. Take seven Adderall to help you focus on the details and speed up your embroidery rate, put a pencil in your mouth to protect your teeth from uncontrollable grinding and chattering.

Terror Towels – 2 hours 56 minutes, 7 Adderall, a #2 pencil or chunk of wood

Elegant Pumpkin Carving

Tired of the same boring pumpkin carving? Create an original hand-sketched drawing using skills learned from the adult education art night classes from the community college, create a transparency of your drawing, project that transparency onto the pumpkin using a mini light projector, cry on the sofa for seven minutes, trace the drawing on your pumpkin using a thin-tipped marker, take twelve Codeine, scream at yourself in the mirror for 30 full seconds, carefully begin carving following the trace with a set of tiny stainless steel, reinforced pumpkin knives, and when finished, insert self-rotating candle motor to create a spooky revolving lights effect inside. Oh how neat!

Expert Tip: If you find your eye is twitching and red, it’s likely because you’re not blinking, so remember to take frequent “blink” breaks.

Pumpkin Carving- 4 hours 5 minutes, 12 Codeine, screaming at yourself in the mirror optional. Remember to take “blink” breaks.

Hope these tips help! I typed this in fourteen minutes, which is four minutes longer than I budgeted in my day schedule, so I have to stop short and get back to the vegan organic Halloween cookies I have baking in our Mason Jar Window cooker. Happy Halloween! Seriously, it’s going to be sooooo happy. Happpy haaaappy hapepreoy haapppppppyyyyyyyyyyy…

Daylight Savings Time Decorating Tips

It’s Daylight Savings time on Sunday! The day where we “Spring Forward” into warmer weather and sunnier days.

You no doubt, like our family, gather around all the clocks in your home and at 2am turn the clocks back together. It’s wonderful family bonding time as you sing songs, exchange gifts, call family members who live far away, and more! But some of you may be wondering what you can do for your own Daylight Savings party. Thankfully, I’m a holiday decoration pro, so I’m taking the liberty of divulging some of my decorating secrets (Byron City citizen’s only, hehe) and my family’s favorite activities that will make this Daylight Savings Time your finest hour 🙂

Daylight Savings Time Decorating Tips:

1- Put clock hands on a disco ball. It looks like a clock, but way more fun!
2- Serve special daylight savings time “Clocktails” out of emptied hour glasses.*
3- Draw clock hands on your eyeglasses or sunglasses**
4- Serve “Hour d’oeuvres”, little snacks that have something to do with time, like minute rice shaped like digital watches, clock tarts, hour bars, Spring rolls, etc. Be creative!
5- Hand out miniture clocks as party favors to count down to the big event.***

Daylight Savings Time Activities:

1- Hold a Three-legged “Spring Forward” Race. Same as a three legged race, but you have to jump!****
2-Hide alarms all over your home to go off at random times during the night to keep your family members on their toes!*****

Our family's bundle of Daylight Savings Time resolutions from last year.

3- Write Daylight Savings resolutions on festive red scrolls,, bind them all together, and put a clock on the front that counts down to the deadline to complete your resolutions.******
4- “Daylight Savings Pictionary”: a twist on the classic party game, where you draw pictures that correspond to different hours of the day. For example, a sandwich might be noon, a car in traffic might be 9am or 6pm, a glass of wine might be 10am, jogging might be 11pm, knitting by the window might be 3am, etc.
5- “Spin the Clock”: it’s like Spin the Bottle, but instead of kissing the person the bottle points to, you give them a list of chores you want them to do and a time limit on completing them!*******

That’s it! Hope you have fun!

Disclaimers
*They are actually extremely difficult to drink out of without spilling all over yourself. Be careful.
**Can cause headaches, nausea, and astigmatism
***Make sure your guests do not confuse the party favors and the minute rice Hour d’oeuvres.
****Can cause broken legs, ankles, and head injuries. Practice and stretch beforehand.
*****Remember where you put all of the alarm clocks. One went off every ten minutes for 8 days before we found it inside the airducts.
*******Do not take on an airplane.

*******Can be played without your family knowing that you’re and including them. In fact, the whole party can be done against their will! It’s fun!

Decorating for Christmas- Do’s and Don’t’s

Hi everyone! As many of you know, I look forward to decorating for Christmas every year. My house at Christmas is the talk of the town, and I don’t intend to disappoint this year! Many of you have asked me for decorating tips, and I’m more than happy to provide you with some of my most important pointers:

Do:

Our tree this year

Start Decorating as soon as Halloween is over
Just as it’s ok to start decorating for Halloween right after labor day, it’s perfectly acceptable, if not encouraged, to start decorating for Christmas right after the cobwebs and witch-smashed-into-tree decorations come down.

Use animatronics with sound
Wake up to the sound of Santa Claus saying “ho ho ho” and busy elves banging away with their hammers in your yard! You and your neighbors will really get in the holiday spirit with sound and movement that plays 24-hrs a day for two months straight.

Include Other Religions
It’s ok to include other religions in your Christmas decorations! Use a Menorah for Jews, a crescent moon for Muslims, and the sign of the devil for Atheists.

Don’t:

Forget baby Jesus
With all the presents and fun, it’s easy to forget baby Jesus, so make sure he’s represented, like a doll wrapped in swaddling clothes held by a caring Santa, or the three wise elves carrying toys to the manger. Be creative!

Use real Animals in your nativity
Don’t find out the hard way. Three car accidents, a manure-filled yard, and a missing baby later, I learned my lesson last year.

Don't stress! Hehe...

Collapse into the fetal position chanting the carol of the bells when things don’t go perfectly
Remember, the holidays are supposed to be fun! So if everything doesn’t go perfectly, just laugh. Even if the slightest mistake will ruin all your hard work, and your husband picked up multi-colored lights instead of clear ones, and moths got into the santa costume, and your mother in law sewed you awful stockings and expects you to hang them by the fireplace, and your neighbor refuses to clip the tree branches that are clearly hanging over YOUR yard, and…oh look, it’s time for my pain killers! Still hurting from my back surgery last Christmas.

Loves!

Michelle Stevens