About ashleighrossi123

Hi! I'm a gal of many hats: chef, fashionista, party hostess, dating expert, and aspiring life coach. I've lived in Byron City my whole life and it's my goal to make it the chicest little town in the world!

Valentine’s Day Tips – For Singles, Pets, and more!

Hello subscribers and newcomers! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and some of you might still be wondering what you can do to make this special night extra special for that special someone. Well, as an aspiring gossip/advise columnist, I took to the streets to ask the special people of Byron City what kind of advice they would give to the longing-lovers of the world.

Shane JerichoLonely Valentine’s Day Tips
by Shane Jericho, recent college grad and tax accountant, former star quarterback for Byron City High

Well, my girlfriend broke up with me just a few days ago (I don’t think she realized Valentine’s Day was coming up or I think she would have waited until after I bought her a fancy dinner and a ton of flowers to cut the cord), so this is more like Single’s Awareness day for me. But I’ve got a lot of fun ideas that will be even better than the carriage ride and candle-lit lake-side dinner on the pier I had planned.

Valentine’s Day Activities for Singles

  • sam and frodo in loveWatch Lord of the Rings and pretend Frodo and Sam are dating. It’s like a romantic comedy!
  • Do the dishes using only heart-shaped scrub motions. It’s a lot more challenging than you’d think!
  • Make a bouquet out of the clippings from your herb garden.
  • When you read your fortune cookie from your Chinese takeout, end it by adding “…in bed.”  to the end. Lol, it’s hilarious.
  • I’m so lonely.

I guess the point is, just be creative. And interesting. And don’t peak in high school. And don’t say I love you too soon or she’ll break up with you just before Valentine’s Day. Even though you’ve been dating for over six months and it’s time you said it. And don’t call her on Valentine’s day, no matter how much you miss her. I’m calling her.

Tiffany KimValentine’s Day Activities for Single Girls
by Tiffany Kim, student at Byron City Community College, fashionista, total geek lol

Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago (I didn’t realize Valentine’s Day was coming up or I TOTALLY would have let him wine and dine me first before breaking it off, boo), so this is yet another Single’s Awareness day for me. But I called my best girlfriend and we have a few awesome ideas for us single girls to that will be better than the lame dinner and movie my ex-boyfriend probably had planned.

Valentine’s Day Activities for Single Girls

  • Dress slutty and go to a club to enjoy being annoyed by all the guys hitting on you. And free drinks!
  • I’m out of ideas

But it’s a start! We’ll just see where the night takes us! Hold on, someone’s calling. TTFN!

Stephanie Banks-DicksonV-Day Tips for Pets!
Stephanie Banks-Dickson, former Miss Byron City Pageant Winner, Wife, and Owner of Faux Paws Pet Grooming

Re-Create the Lady and the Tramp Spaghetti Scene
I absolutely LOVE celebrating Valentine’s Day with my pets! Every year I re-create the scene from Disney’s Lady and the Tramp, giving my pets their own romantic evening complete with a plate of puppy spaghetti. They mostly just get spaghetti everywhere and then throw it up in my closet later, but still it’s so cute!

valentine's day puppyDress to Impress
Even if your pet is a single pouch, fear not! You can still have fun dressing them in cute outfits for the occasion. Here’s Princess Puddle Pants in her cute Valentine’s outfit this year. She’s ready to hit the town and find herself a top dog!*

*Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets

Brandon ZequeraHow to Totally Get Some This Valentine’s Day
by Brandon Zequera, Lead Singer and Guitarist of his own band, Brandon Zequera.

Dude, I’m never alone on Valentine’s Day and I don’t even try, so just relax. And if you have some chick you’re trying to round the bases with, and want to make sure you make the right moves that manipulate her emotional feminine heart back to your pad, here’s what you do.

Even better than the real thing.

Even better than the real thing.

Email a Card: Email her a V-day card pdf. It’s fast and cheap, and basically gets the job done. Limit any custom message to five words. Sending some long, sappy, hand-written love note basically tells her you cry all of the time and are essentially a woman, so don’t do that. But don’t do nothing, either. Minimal effort is key.

Go someplace reservations aren’t required: Going out to eat on V-day sucks, it’s way too busy and stressful and expensive. You don’t want to try too hard anyways. That turns girls off. Go someplace like a café or fast-casual restaurant where you don’t need reservations.

Be generous: Don’t be cheap on V-day. This is her special night, so offer to split the bill. Don’t expect her to pay the whole bill this time.

If all else fails, play the guitar. Works every time.

You’re welcome. Good luck, dudes.

Celtic Club = Resistance Movement

New Mayor Sir Ryan has imposed some incredibly strange laws lately, and has shown that he is not messing around. Currently, the city jail is overflowing with “law-breakers,” including people who forgot to wear renaissance clothes on “Medieval Fridays” and vegan restaurant owners who refused to serve giant turkey legs on their menu. However, it would appear that most inmates are members of the Celtic Club, a group hated by Sir Ryan as the rival group to his Medieval Club, and the latest group to rebel against the new laws.

When Sir Ryan became mayor, he passed a law banning the Celtic Club. Threatening jail time to anyone caught “Celtic Clubbing,” it’s members were forced underground. But it looks like membership in the club, instead of shrinking, is beginning to swell as a resistance movement to the leadership of the increasingly unpopular Mayor Sir Ryan.

Members have been meeting in secret, only publicly identifiable by the shamrock pins they wear on their jackets, and by exchanging a secret “Stonehendge Handshake” that I haven’t seen in person yet. They are believed to be planning the beginning stages of a revolt, along with deciding the theme to next years Spring “Druids and Daisies” Festival, both of which fills Sir Ryan with absolute terror.

My source inside the Mayor’s office tells me that Sir Ryan may be planning something drastic soon to thin out their numbers.

Mayor Chuck, former mayor of Byron City who was driven out of office due to unethical activity, is still missing, and is sorely missed by us citizens. Several people have posted signs reading “Bring Back Chuck!” Those signs have been confiscated and the citizens who posted them have been fined for disturbing the peace.

I’m a gossip columnist, but today I’m turning political activist. I encourage anyone reading to join the Celtic Club resistance movement. If you desire to do so, simply pin a clover to your jacket and wait. Don’t try to contact them, they will contact you. Since I will most likely be arrested for this post, I have decided to go “underground” and will continue posting in secret.

May the Celtic Goddess Andraste help us all.

Recap – The First Year of Byron City

Hey everyone. Ashleigh here, Romance and Gossip columnist for the Byron City blog. Some of you have written me asking me to give you the 411 on what’s been happening in Byron City lately. So I’m going to recap all the best stuff that’s happened over the past year so you all can keep up.

What’s been going on in Byron City? Here’s what.

Byron City Recap

Occupy Byron City protestors

One year ago, the Occupy Wall Street Movement started in NYC, and Byron City residents decided to start their own protest and “Occupy Byron City.”

Read the “Rally! Occupy Byron City” post

The group accomplished nothing, but disrupted town government activities and annoyed the hell out of Byron City’s cranky yet well-liked leader, Mayor Chuck. He really wanted them gone.

Read the “In Regard to Occupy Byron City Protests” post

Mayor Charles “Chuck” Barther

Suddenly, after about a month of Occupation, most of the protestors left without explanation. At the same time, Sir Ryan, resident and medieval club member who speaks nothing but Shakespearean English, was appointed to the City Council. Most citizens were convinced that something shady was going on behind Mayor Chuck’s closed doors, but there was no proof.

Read the “Hark! I Thus Call for a Cease to All Occupation” post

Dog in the Costume portion of the Dog Show.

Things got back to normal. The winter passed, Byron City hosted the County Fair and its first ever dog show, a “sexy” new restaurant opened, and the Sarcastic Thief was finally caught. But soon after the Renaissance Festival ended, evidence surfaced of Mayor Chuck making an illegal deal with the Medieval club to break up the “Occupy Byron City” protests permanently by agreeing to appoint one of their own, Sir Ryan, to the City Council. The city broke into chaos, and Mayor Chuck sadly resigned before charges could be brought against him, saying that since he can’t serve the town he loves, they can all go “shove it.”

Read the “Mayor Chuck Resigns” post

Sir Ryan

Byron City law states that if a Mayor resigns before his or her term ends, then the City Council will appoint a new Mayor within a month. There was a lot of speculation about who the Council would choose, but in the end they shockingly chose their newest Council member Sir Ryan, now known as Mayor Sir Ryan. Upon his appointment, Sir Ryan was quoted as saying “Bwah haha haha ha ha…”.

Read the “Sir Ryan Appointed New Mayor” post

His appointment is fishy at best. There are unconfirmed suspicions that Sir Ryan bribed and blackmailed his way into office, but no one has yet dug up any hard evidence, and anyone attempting to find the truth has been intimidated by Mayor Sir Ryan’s medieval cronies (foam swords hurt more than you’d think).

Read the “Mayor Sir Ryan is Hiding Something” post

Former Beauty Queen Stephanie Banks-Dickson

Only a few weeks into office, Sir Ryan used his new power to mandate a set of new laws. The laws are extremely controversial, and certain citizens have refused to follow them, including former Beauty Queen and Miss Byron City winner Stephanie Banks-Dickson, who refused to follow the new law that she “be Mayor Sir Ryan’s new girlfriend.”

Read the “10 Mayoral Decrees” post

Another law completely dismantled and banned Medieval Club rival, the Celtic Club.  The group has so far aggressively refused to dismantle and are currently calling for any citizen opposing the new laws to join them in open rebellion.

Read the “Celtic Club Twill Not Accept New Laws” post

And that’s what’s happening in Byron City! Will Mayor Sir Ryan crush his rivals and continue to build his empire? Will the Celtic Club manage to dethrone this oppressive new Mayor? Or will Byron City simply devolve into chaos and ruin? Keep pushing “refresh” to see what happens next!

In the meantime, feel free to read the top five most popular Byron City Posts from the past year:

10 Ways to Get out of a Crappy Party

Did I Just Make the World’s Biggest Taco?

The Market’s Yogurt Selection Has Improved Lately

I’m Alarmed with the Amount of Giant Bats Around Lately

Do these nerd glasses make me look hot?

25 Ways to Tell if You’re at a Crappy Party

Well, it’s Friday! And you know what that means. Par-tay! But do you ever have that moment where you walk into a party and immediately know you’ve made a horrible mistake?

Sadly, not all of our most anticipated nights turn out to be all we hoped for. Just because the Black Eyed Peas have a “feeling that tonight’s gunna be a good night” doesn’t mean it ACTUALLY ending up being a good night.

So I thought I’d be helpful to all my dedicated blog followers, and instead of the usual post about dating, do a post on how to tell if you’re at a crappy party.

25 Ways to Tell if You’re at a Crappy Party

  1. The balloons outnumber the guests.
  2. As you walk in, all the guests are checking email on their cell phones.
  3. Everyone is wearing Hawaiian leis but no one is smiling.crappy party
  4. The stereo is playing “Jock Jams Volume VII.”
  5. When you walk in, the host is a little TOO happy to see you. Like a cast away spotting a rescue boat.
  6. That dude who brought the guitar only knows Bush and Nickleback songs.
  7. It’s potluck and 27 people “brought the napkins.”
  8. The host requires all guests to bring “a funny hat.”
  9. Half the funny hats are being worn by dogs.
  10. There’s only one other girl at the party, and the host refers to her as “mom.”
  11. You’re an hour late and there are STILL only a few cars in front of the party locale.
  12. There are free copies of “The Watchtower” next to the punchbowl.
  13. The party invitation included Microsoft clip art images.
  14. When you walk down the hall toward the party, you can’t tell which apartment has a party, and which apartment has old people who went to bed early.
  15. The ending time for the party is listed as “question mark” and a clever emoticon.
  16. The guy hosting the party also does your taxes.pet party
  17. You instantly check your watch the minute you walk in.
  18. That girl/guy you’re interested in has already thrown up on the couch. And there’s no alcohol at the party.
  19. The host suggests the guests try doing “improv.”
  20. During the party, you can’t help wishing you were having a Sims party on your Playstation instead.
  21. You spend most of the party talking about other better parties.
  22. Everyone is sitting. Everyone.
  23. There is humus and veggies, no drinks or sugary foods.
  24. You find yourself talking more to the pets than the people.
  25. By the end of the party, the babies are awake and the adults are asleep.

Top Things People Say to Freak Their Boyfriend/Girlfriend Out

A lot of people come to me for advice. That’s just the kind of person I am. Expert chef, fashionista, party hostess, interior designer, and aspiring life coach. But by far, the subject most people ask me about is dating.

I feel bad, because I’m great at dating, but my friends are always putting their foot in their mouth and wondering why their beau runs the other way! So I’ve put together a list of the top things girls and guys say that freak their significant others out. I hope this is helpful and saves a few relationships out there:

Top 20 Things Guys say that freak their girlfriends out:

  1. You look fine.
  2. I’m thinking of growing my moustache out…
  3. Cool! Free sofa on the street corner!
  4. (says nothing for more than five minutes)
  5. I just spent all my money but it was totally worth it.
  6. College wasn’t for me.
  7. I don’t like kids.
  8. I really like kids.
  9. I’m not really into Christmas.
  10. What stain?
  11. Is it your time of the month?
  12. I’m fine.
  13. I’ll just fix it myself.
  14. Huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening…
  15. [blah blah blah ] in Las Vegas [blah blah blah ]…
  16. Wait, how often are you supposed to clean it?
  17. I’ve been kinda getting into taxidermy lately.
  18. Ok, so don’t freak out but…
  19. Can we see what’s on SPIKE TV real quick?
  20. I think I want to quit my job and become an actor.

Top 20 Things Girls say that freak their boyfriends out:

  1. Do you remember what today is?!
  2. Can we talk tonight?
  3. What would you do if I told you I was pregnant?
  4. We need to work on our emotional intimacy.
  5. Fine. If that’s what you want. Go ahead.
  6. My dad is coming into town this weekend…
  7. I’m adding your mom on Facebook.
  8. My favorite show is on Food Network right now…
  9. My favorite show is on TLC right now…
  10. My favorite show is on right now…
  11. Let’s sing a duet!
  12. How come I’m not in your Facebook profile picture?
  13. I have a great idea for an activity that will take all weekend!
  14. My best friend just got engaged!
  15. What are you thinking about right now?
  16. Who is [girl’s name] and why are you Facebook friends with her?
  17. My turn to pick the movie!
  18. OMG, you’ve never seen Grey’s Anatomy?! I just bought the complete series on DVD!!
  19. Lets’ go get a couple’s massage!
  20. I love you.

Hope this helps! I look forward to many more posts in the future.