This Thanksgiving I’m going to splurge and eat a carb

I’m on a strict no-carb diet, and have been for two years now. But being the holidays, and given that I only ate monounsaturated diet B-vitamin soy candy, I figured this holiday I could splurge and eat a carb.

The only question is, which carb-loaded food item should I choose? Should I choose stuffing to go with my sodium-free soy meat turkey? Potatoes smothered with non-fat water-based farm-raised fish-oil gravy? Or perhaps a roll with melted non-hydrogenated preservative-free organic tofu margarine spread? So many choices to go with the delicious feast I have planned! Mmmm! It’s a shame so many of my invited guests have canceled again this year, because they are missing out.

Guess that means more local-grown negative-calorie celery and free-range tuna salad with pepper-water dressing for me!  Along with my gluten-free unrefined-flour artisan parsnip pie topped with my famous non-lactose greek-yogurt flaxseed whipped cream sprinkled with festive pine needles. I may even cut loose completely and put a marshmallow on top of my steel-cut black-bean omega-3 fatty acids faux non-sweet potatoes, just like mom used to make, provided I follow it up with my annual post-thanksgiving-calories shame run, where I just run for a really long time until I throw up. Ah, thanksgiving tradition.

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