To the undeserving and treacherous Fool Ryan-
In response to all of these “official” edicts we give you this warning:
Is minic a gheibhean beal oscailt diog dunta!
We know that by leaving this phrase un-translated, you will be forced to use modern technology (we call it Gooeglé) if you wish to know our minds, and we delight to see you so debased. But it will not stop there. We of the Celtic Club are expert in the ancient arts of war and sabotage. We’ve studied it for the last two-and-a-half weeks.
Your behavior has proven you are a tyrant, therefore we will unleash the wrath of the Morrigan, the Goddess of battle, strife, and violent Irish children upon you. Your strongholds will be raided, your cattle stolen (we count thy great supply of giant turkey legs as cattle), and we will seek the re-installment of your great enemy, Mayor Chuck, to the Mayoral throne, who even now is being prepared by our most wise council of druids and druidesses in secret. Though he said he’d only agree to speak with us if he didn’t have to wear any “funny clothes.” In our great wisdom, we agreed, knowing that it would enrage Fool Ryan even further.
Citizens, take heed! Those who continue to align themselves with Fool Ryan will not be given the mystical secrets of our awesome handshake, nor be allowed to participate in the ancient ritual of attending underground parties that play music past 10:30 and now include an equal ratio of men and women (we have had many flock to us as of late.) Also, Lady Caredwin makes these AWESOME homemade piggies-in-a-blanket for all our meetings. Truly she is a goddess of both the battle and the hearth.
– Lady Cerridwen of The Celtic Club, a.k.a, the Resistance Movement