What is going on?! Hot girls are supposed to dress slutty on Halloween, not wear clever, thought-out DIY costumes! What’s the deal?
I look forward to Halloween every year. It’s a grand tradition that allows straight guys to dress in drag, tolerant people to wear blackface, and classy girls to whore it up. What’s that, you’re a cat? Oh sorry, I wasn’t looking at your cat ears…
But this year, instead of watching a parade of slutty girls dressed in next to nothing pretending they’re only slutty on Halloween and not all the other days of the year, I saw way too many girls in “clever” or “ironic” costumes that weren’t sexy at all. And I’m pissed. Here are a few examples:
See what I mean?! There were virtually no hot, slutty girls all night. No skanks, hoes, tramps, street walkers, call girls, coffee grinders, bed bunnies, village bicycles, lease-pieces, notch-broads, go daddies, overnight bags, pavement princesses, sailor bait, hobgoblins, red-light tumblers, grassbacks, walk ups, yes-girls, doorbells, flag-pole saluters, little bo peeps, woody harrelsons, bologna ponies, blade runners, carrot chasers, chicken farmers, wiggle wenches, gooser loosers, cyclopes slayers, queen kongs, knocker lockers, banana boaters, lady tramps, lobster pots, dart boards, tax returns, mutton choppers, dragon flagons, early birds, pencil pushers, cross stitchers, harry potters, leaky pipes, post-it notes, pied pipers, ting tongs, tickle me elmos, or nether ninjas. Not a single one.
So here’s to hoping this clever costume thing is just a fad and we can all go back to the grand old Halloween tradition of treating girls like our own personal pleasure parade. Anything else is just plain wrong.