Sir Ryan, our new Mayor and former leader of the town’s Medieval club, is at again, this time with even more “improvements.” Here’s the latest in his renaissance upgrades:
Has replaced 90% of city streetlights with torch lights, laying off a large portion of city utility workers in the process.
- Lowered speed limit to 10 mph to match the max acceptable speed by “beast of burden.”
- Replaced city bus service with carts pulled by “serfs.”
- Police guns have been replaced with swords, and the fire department is now a convent of Gregorian monks.
In a curious move, Mayor Sir Ryan has also pardoned and released the famous “Sarcastic Thief,” the robber who managed to rob a local convenience store armed only with sarcasm earlier this year. It appears the sarcastic thief is now employed by Mayor Sir Ryan as his staff press secretary. In a press conference held this morning, he said:
“Some of you have complained that Sir Ryan’s newest laws are crazy. Let me tell you that we are sooOOooOOoo concerned about that, since you all are TOTALLY the smartest people on the planet. Sure, we’ll get right on fixing that right away, don’t you worry. Oh, and Ted, great article about Byron High School’s latest tutoring program. REALLY exciting stuff. Bravo,” saying the last phrase while clapping loudly and slowly with an un-amused facial expression.
I believe Sir Ryan has gone to far. Someone should do something. Stay tuned as the unrest continues.