Giant Bat-Gate: How to Genetically Engineer an Election

It’s all coming together.

Citizens of Byron City, I’ve recently discovered the reason for the increase in giant bats in Byron City. It was caused by the unbridled political aspirations of our esteemed, mild mannered Mayor Chuck Barther!

I wrote a few weeks back about a noticeable increase in the amount of giant bat sightings we’ve been having in Byron City, but I had yet to come up with a credible explanation. Then just this morning, as I was monitoring my home outside in my ghillie suit from my hollowed-out elm tree I noticed a mysterious man wearing a dark cloak approaching. I had just finished squaring up my tranquilizing gun when I noticed him drop a mysterious envelope on my front door. I opened it, and after checking it for monitoring devices or traces of weaponized bird flu, I read it. It contained 5 pages.

Page 1- a letter, hand-written in very elaborate cursive, telling me that Mayor Chuck is responsible for all the giant bats, and that if I were to assist him in usurping the Mayor, he would help me hunt and destroy them, along with making sure no more queers or Mexicans moved into our town.

Page 2- proof in the form of pictures and audio tape, of Mayor Chuck giving illegal political favors to Occupy Byron City protestors in exchange for them to quit protesting and leave City Hall. This explains why it ended so abruptly and why Mayor Chuck was so defensive over accusations of a scandal.

Page 3- picture of Mayor Chuck getting a free refill on his coke at the Renaissance Festival when free refills were NOT included.

Page 4- a really scary picture of a giant bat (included below)

Page 5- a document containing only the handwritten phrase, “The City will be Mine!” and the words “Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha” over and over again, in red ink.

“Bwah ha ha” is right, giant bats. The city will be ours again. Your days are numbered. And so are yours, Mayor Chuck. Next time you’ll think twice before genetically engineering an election. Thank you, mysterious cloaked man. You have my support.

– Bill Grue

Giant bat, or demon from hell? The answer: yes.


14 thoughts on “Giant Bat-Gate: How to Genetically Engineer an Election

  1. Me 2! My letter promised that he’d help me get my boyfriend back. But I don’t know what he means, because I have boys hitting on me all of the time and don’t need a new boyfriend. You hear that, Brandon? Lots of boys…

  2. Well, mine promised more government money invested toward innovation and inventions, and even a spot in his mayoral cabinet. Finally, some respect for the scientific business community.

  3. People, even if the accusations of illegal behavior against Mayor Chuck are true, that doesn’t mean this “mysterious cloaked figure” automatically becomes Mayor. And even if he did, there’s no way he could possibly give you all the things he’s promising. All politicians over promise, but this is ridiculous. Take a deep breath, people, before we crucify the Mayor.

  4. Pingback: I did not genetically engineer giant bats to win an election | The City of Byron City

  5. Pingback: Mayor Chuck Indicted, Sir Ryan for Mayor, Sarcastic Thief Makes Judge Cry- Byron City News Digest | The City of Byron City

  6. Pingback: Mayor Chuck Resigns! – Byron City News Digest | The City of Byron City

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