Yea, verily, the 2012 Byron City Renaissance Festival is nigh at hand! On this coming day of Satur, tomorrow, we will meet to feast on mead, giant turkey legs, shepherd’s pie, cinnamon almonds, and probably some nachos. Ooo! And funnel cakes.
Come one, come all, to the event of the yesteryear! Witness jousting, puppetry, sword swallowing, blacksmithery, flute-ery, large breasted saucy wenches, men with whimsical facial hair, stacks of hay everywhere, Goths who want a change of scenery, and the faint but constant smell of manure.
Partake in the mirth and merriment with our many games, such as “Jacob’s Ladder, “ “Throw the Pie at the Jester,” “Duck-Duck-Small Pox,” and “Who’s Got My Syphilis?” And if ye seek boldly, ye may even find “Ye Olde Kissing Booth” to satisfy ye lusty desires for romance with an enchanting mistress…or mister if that be your preference. We got complaints last year.
I wilst be there the day entire, and wiltst be performing my sword swallowing act, though I never did find my custom-made fire sword of Arakron. Other shows: Sir Billy shall be performing a juggling act, Sir Gary will be performing a Jester Comedy act, and Sir Arnold will be doing people’s taxes. It’s that time of year, and he could use the money.
So come one, come all! Fill your belly and your lust for gaiety ( the old definition…not that there be anything wrong with the new definition, I’m just sayin’…) at the Byron City Renaissance Festival!
Tickets be $20 for ladies and gents, $10 for lads, lasses, and the elderly. We accept cash, credit, bags of Spanish doubloons, pieces of eight, or the head of the nefarious tyrant King Henry the 8th! Haha, but seriously, just bring cash or credit. No checks.
Oh, and if ye see a man dressed like Jack Sparrow at the festival, report it to the authorities immediately. He is NOT allowed to be there.