Byron City Dog Show Results: Doggy Racism
Mr. Fluff-Face, a West Highland White Terrier, won Byron City’s First Annual Dog Show, unleashing a flood of accusations of doggy racism among the judging panel.
“Interesting how a Westie won the first ever dog show this year, totally ignoring the Pekingese, Chihuahuas, Shar-Peis, Shih-Tzus, Chow Chows, Chocolate Labs, and the other more ethnic breeds,” said Charlotte Andrews, contestant and owner of Bonesy the Chocolate Lab.
“I won’t say Mr. Fluff-Face didn’t deserve it, but we’re setting a dangerous precedent here,” said Andrew Mangers, French Bulldog owner and president of Byron City Musical Theater Revival company.
Most of the accusation falls upon the Show’s founder, Stephanie Banks, who stirred controversy last year for her involvement in an anti-Semitic fundraiser, Keeping Dogs Off Our Streets, propagated by the Neo-Nazi Party of America. Banks maintains that she “thought it was a fundraiser for homeless dogs!”
After the Byron City Easter Eggstravaganza yesterday, most of the participating children, along with the adults, failed to find 85% of the eggs.
The eggs this year were hidden by members of the Bryron City Geocaching Society, and although they provided GPS trackers and compass orienteering to all the children, most eggs still remained unfound.
Man Holds Up Gas Station with Sarcasm
An unknown man stole $376 from a gas station attendant armed only with sarcasm. He was otherwise unarmed.
According to the attendant and security footage, the man entered the store and immediately rushed the attendant with cutting words, such as “Nice store you have here. Not.” and “Oh wow, spinning hot dogs under a heat lamp. Sooooo original.” The assailant then demanded the attendant “give me all the money from the register, since you’re sooOOoo smart,” and the attendant emptied the cash register under the strain of the emotional battery. The thief made off with the money, saying on the way out, “Thanks for the money. I Reeeeallly I appreciate it.”
The attendant’s feelings were badly hurt, but he has since stabilized and he is currently recovering at his mom’s house.