I’d like to give a big THANK YOU to my roommates, Stan and Jeff, for a fantastic April Fools Day yesterday. You really got me. I mean, the way you set my alarm clock an hour ahead so that I’d be late for work was brilliant. And the way you put red Koolade in the showerhead so I would have splotchy red hair and skin for the entire day? Comedy gold. And I must saw I got a good chuckle when I discovered that you had cut the front out of all my underwear and drew phallic symbols on the cover of my collectors copy of Moby Dick. Will Ferrell and Jim Carey better watch out, because you two are the true comic geniuses of our generation.
But the fun didn’t stop there. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you two had so ingeniously duct taped my entire car shut. And once I finally got to work and finished being chewed out by my boss (not just for being late, but also for the bomb threat that I apparently had called in that morning), I found that you had ordered a male stripper for me to do his show in front of all of my co-workers. You guys are truly the Steve Jobs of the prank world.
That alone would have been enough for the April Fool’s Day Hall of Fame, but no, you two went the extra mile. Putting used Band Aids in the sandwich I packed for lunch and laxatives in my coke had me giggling all day. And hacking my Facebook account to message all my male friends that I was “super gay” and wanted to “be all gay on you” really made me envy your genius, while changing my profile picture to a picture of someone’s butt was the cherry on top.
But my favorite part had to be getting a call from the FBI asking me about all my “anti-american” posts on http://www.deathtoamerica.com/jihad. It’s so exciting to be on the No Fly list at airports now! Weeeeeee! Or maybe my favorite part was actually when you called the girl I’m dating to let her know how “cool” you think she is for “being willing to date a transvestite.” Ruin my work life or ruin my social life, I’m not sure which I think is funnier!
So again, thank you for making my day yesterday so perfect. I’m shaking with happiness right now. Oh, and Stan, let me know when the IRS calls you about the fact that you haven’t paid your taxes for five years, and Jeff, let me know when your office calls you about the copy of the fake college degree you sent them when you were hired. I’m not sure who tipped them off about these REAL things you’ve done, but good luck with that. I’m sure there’s a funny story behind all of that somewhere.