I love the Spring! I’ve taken the day off and am walking through a park right now, typing this post on my iPhone. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I just…blah! I just walked into a freaking spider web! Plwah! Get it off, get it off! Where’s the spider?! I hate spiders I hate spiders I hate spiders get it off get it off…
Ok, I’m good now. As I was saying, everything during the spring is so full of life and promise. Everything smells fresh and new, like…what is that smell? Hm, that’s weird. Why do those tree blossoms smell like garbage? I mean, they kind of smell good I guess, but they mostly smell like rotting fruit. Uh oh, I’m dry heaving…
Ok, it’s fine, it’s fine. I walked away. Not going to let it ruin my spring day off. I’ll just remove my shoes and walk in the grass barefoot. I love the feel of fresh grass blades between my toes. The warmth of the sun with the cool ground makes me want to throw a Frisbee or fly a kite or…tell me I did not just step in dog crap?! Ew! No no no no no! This is the worst! And in my bare feet!
I’ll just sit over on these park benches and clean my foot off. I can still…Arg! Who left half a hollowed-out watermelon just sitting here? It looks like it’s been here for days! And why are there cigarette butts inside of it? Did some stupid hicks just really need an ashtray? Oh good, the rotting garbage blossoms are falling now. Good thing I have this half a watermelon to puke into.
Seriously, what is wrong with the universe?! I’m flipping out. There’s this big black fly buzzing around me that will NOT leave me alone, there’s a family having a picnic over there blasting meringue music through a blown-out stereo so loud that my fillings hurt, and I’m pretty sure I accidentally swallowed something when getting some water at the drinking fountain. Feels like hair. And now I just stepped in gum. Yup, the same foot that just stepped in dog crap. That’s it. I’m outta here.
I made myself some banana bread earlier this morning that’s cooling on the counter. That sounds good. Should lift my spirits.
There are ants all over my kitchen, eating my banana bread. I hate the spring.