Hark! Alarm and panick! It hath been discover’d that the mysic Fire Saber of Arakron, a sword that hath been in my possession for many a fortnight, hath been most nefariously stolen by an unknown villain, a thief so vile and unscrupulous that no morals did stop him from pillaging it from my grasp, and whose skill is so cunning that the forrest-mage spell of protection I placed on it had no effect.
Twas last seen last night either at ye olde pub, known as Jerry’s Pub, or my bedside table. I can’st not remember which for sure, as I had a few flagons of ale which rendered my memory unreliable. The Fire Saber of Arakron twas custom made for me, forged in the fires of Arnold’s Auto Body Shop by mine friend Dave for the price of 250 doubloons (dollars) and some free buckets of KFC now and then when I’m working behind the counter.
The debased fool no doubt wishes to harness its powers of fire spell casting and charisma charms for his own depraved purposes. The buffoon will no doubt find such spells difficult to master, as I have trained with the blade many a fortnight to perfect such skills. But alas, I yet fear. Should you locate the blade or the foul nave who did’st lift it from me, I beg of thee, contact me post haste, as the blade has the power to make good men better, and wretched men even more wicked. Heaven forbid the blade should begin talking to him. Then all humankind may be lost.
T’What? Fire Sword of Arakron
T’When? Around 9:30pm, Thursday, March 22, the 2012th year of our Lord.
W’Where? My quarters at Hillside Apartments, or Jerry’s Pub
Ye Reward? Verily. $100
If found, contact me at email@example.com
P.S. The blade will only cast its charisma charm when it is in my possession, and only works on fair wenches. It is of no use to common folk, so please do not keep the blade for yourselves.