by Sir Ryan: Leader and Apologist for Byron City Medieval Club
Hark! A proclamation! It is henceforth thus again’st the law to break the hearts of those humbly serving on the City Counsel, because it hurts and shows great malice and I would’st have been the best thing to happen to thee, but now ‘tis too late. Thou had’st thy chance.
Those caught breaking this new and most sacred law will suffer a penalty of $1000 and must go out to dinner with me just once. For if thou were’st to give me a chance, I would’st win thee over, but nay, thou would’st prefer to sit around thy home laughing at the milk-livered lout, throwing my love tokens back in my face and thinking of ways to hurt me.
Oh, what a gay happy meeting we might have had. But nay, thou art a cold wench without natural affection, and thus will be required to pay the fine and return the pictures I crafted with our faces on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s bodies using Photoshop. A pox on thee, ye outlaw wagtail!
Also, should ye be caught cruelly stabbing the heart of the counsel member thou hold’est in thine hands and throw’est it upon the ground, though wilt be required to return the CD of mandolin and lute cover songs I made thee (I wonder if thou did’st even listen to the “Beyonce Crazy in Love” cover, fowl harpy), and the jigsaw puzzle that, when completed, spells out “I love thee, maiden pookie bear.”
Thus, I shall be coming ‘round to collect the penalty for all those who most treacherously broke the hearts of the humble servants on the counsel.
Also, we’ll also be installing a new stop sign on the corner of Brine and Appleberry road.