Look, a few days have gone by and not many of you are coming by to take advantage of the incredible deal I offered on my Easy Lifters. And it’s ok, because now I have something even better: investment opportunities! I have a lot of other great ideas that I think are going to be big. We’re talking “Next iPod” big!
Check out my list. These are all in prototype form for now, but I thought I’d give the wonderful citizens of my home town of Byron City the chance to get in on the ground floor. And all these ideas are patented, so don’t you dare think of stealing them! Jk (but seriously, don’t).
1- A Don’t-Be-Alarmed Clock Tired of an alarm clock that only tells you when you’re late? This alarm clock chimes in at random times of the day to tell you everything is ok, with messages like, “Hi Dave, it’s 12:15 and everything is fine. You’re doing great, buddy.”
2- Pet Flare Guns Your pets will never get lost again!
3- Soap Soap- The Soap for Soap! Do other people in your home use the same bar of soap as you do? Who knows WHAT they’re cleaning with it?! Now you can have peace of mind with new Soap Soap. The only soap designed to clean soap.
4- Disposable Keys Who has room anymore for a keyring of ugly, uncomfortable metal keys? Introducing Disposable Keys! Just lock, then toss! And they’re biodegradable, so it’s good for the environment!
5- Bike Toilets Go when you’re on the go!
6- Love Handles Not fat but still want love? Buy these patented Love Handles to give that special someone something to hold on to!
7- Hot Ice Cream Because not everyone likes their ice cream cold!
8- Stain Mover For people who like stains, but want them moved to a different place.
9- Waterless Swimming Pools Scared of water? Have small children? No problem!
10- I’m not Crazy Glue When you need a bond that sticks, but don’t want the neighbors to look at you funny.
That’s all for now, so let me know how many of each you’d like to buy, and I’ll be over to your house for a personalized demonstration. I take cash or check. No card, because honestly, who would ever want an invention that lets individual venders take credit card payments on their Smart Phones? Now that’s a dumb idea.