The Turgarine: it’s real

Rashad:

I know of the Turgarine of which you speak, and yes it is true. A friend of mine had a close encounter with one just outside of Byron City, and amazingly managed to get a pic, too. But only read his story below if you’re ready to risk having your eyes spontaneously burst into flame from terror:

“We’ve discovered a new species of animal. It’s called the Turgarine.

A friend of mine ran over it on his way home from a hunting trip and took this picture. He hasn’t spoken since.

WTF?

I called the Turgarine a “He” because we can only assume that there are no female Turgarines. That would be too girly. That explains why they have not been seen by humans yet, since they are so rare and can’t procreate. But they are almost impossible to kill, which is why they’re still around.

Once we got our buddy who took the picture to stop weeping uncontrollably in the shower, he agreed to show us where he found it. We brought dynamite and samurai swords, since they probably can’t be hurt by anything else. But when we got to the site, the Turgarine was gone. We ran away as fast as we could, leaving the dynamite and samurai sword as an offering.

You can hunt for the Turgarine if you dare, but unless you can do a few Nitro Push Up Crunch Press Flexors (that’s wear you do a million push ups, pull-ups, bench press reps, and crunches at the same time while on fire), I wouldn’t recommend it. If you see this creature, run away. Run far, far away. He’s extremely dangerous. And now he has a samurai sword and some dynamite.”

Now you know. Hope you didn’t just murder yourself from pure horror.

  • Bill
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3 thoughts on “The Turgarine: it’s real

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