Alright, dudes. I’ve been dating this girl lately, and she’s been getting a little fat (5 pounds in one month? Gross). Now all you guys out there know that this is a touchy subject for women, especially the fat ones, so I came up with a few ways to let her know subtly that she’s getting fat:
How to Subtly Tell Your Girlfriend She’s Getting Fat
1- After she orders anything, ask “You mean Diet, right?” even if she’s not ordering soda.
2- Hire someone to publicly call her fat in a really mean way, then comfort her when she comes crying to you, but do it without technically disagreeing with the assailant.
3- Buy her a subscription to a girl magazine: ANY girl magazine.
4- Groan like you’re carrying something really heavy anytime you pick up something she owns.
5- Pretend to suffocate a little when she gives you a hug.
6- Replace her normal mirror with one of those funhouse mirrors that will make her look REALLY fat.
7- Gradually decrease the width of the door frames in your home.
8- Hire a really skinny look-alike to be the “After” version of her.
9- Master the backhanded compliment: “You know honey, the girls in these magazines are skinny and beautiful, but I’d trade 4 or 5 of their waist-lines to be with you instead, any day. Gimme a kiss, baby.”
10- Pretend to suffocate a little when she kisses you.
Hope this helps, dudes.