How to Subtly Tell Your Girlfriend She’s Getting Fat

Alright, dudes. I’ve been dating this girl lately, and she’s been getting a little fat (5 pounds in one month? Gross). Now all you guys out there know that this is a touchy subject for women, especially the fat ones, so I came up with a few ways to let her know subtly that she’s getting fat:

How to Subtly Tell Your Girlfriend She’s Getting Fat

1- After she orders anything, ask “You mean Diet, right?” even if she’s not ordering soda.
2- Hire someone to publicly call her fat in a really mean way, then comfort her when she comes crying to you, but do it without technically disagreeing with the assailant.
3- Buy her a subscription to a girl magazine: ANY girl magazine.
4- Groan like you’re carrying something really heavy anytime you pick up something she owns.
5- Pretend to suffocate a little when she gives you a hug.
6- Replace her normal mirror with one of those funhouse mirrors that will make her look REALLY fat.
7- Gradually decrease the width of the door frames in your home.
8- Hire a really skinny look-alike to be the “After” version of her.
9- Master the backhanded compliment: “You know honey, the girls in these magazines are skinny and beautiful, but I’d trade 4 or 5 of their waist-lines to be with you instead, any day. Gimme a kiss, baby.”
10- Pretend to suffocate a little when she kisses you.

Hope this helps, dudes.

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10 thoughts on “How to Subtly Tell Your Girlfriend She’s Getting Fat

  1. #11, post your “fat list” online so your girlfriend not only reads it, but that every woman in Byron City reads it and wants to murder you. Good luck. I’ll be the one selling them pitchforks and torches. No, seriously, I sell them on etsy.com for extra money.

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