I henceforth thus proclaim mine undying affection for the fair maiden Stephanie of the house of Banks-Dickson. Though she be wed to an’other, though she feigns not to know of my existence since our days in high school, and though she has oft times complained of me to the local authorities, I can no longer hold my tongue! (Hopefully thy husband is not a reader of this blog, else our exchange be known and he beat the crap out of me)
If I am yet found wanting of thy love, may I be stricken with the plague, or even a zombie virus, for this past fortnight I have played “Left 4 Dead 2” on King Jeff’s “Box of X” and have not only found the game to be most favorable, but the fate of the undead to be most gruesome, and would rather wander the world as one of these loathsome creatures than live a life without thy love. I’d rather endure that torment than live without the ability to call thy number and then quickly hang up when thou answerest, a life where I can no longer wear the headband you dropped at last year’s 5k, a life where I cans’t not pluck hair from thine hairbrush when thou are’st gone and use it to make dolls of thee and our unborn’ed children. Such a world would be a ghoulish nightmare indeed.
Without thy love, going on quests to Little Caesar’s PIzza in thy name would’st just seem weird.
Not that I have done any of those things.
I know thou hast rejected my petitions many times before, but I implore thee, consider mine recent rise to power and prestige in the City Counsel, and if ANY portion of thine heart doth yearn to be one with mine, hang a yellow scarf from thy window as a token of thy love. Don’t worry. I’ve already placed the scarf in thy closet.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate”
Eternally your knight,
Sir Ryan of the Kingdom of Steven
P.S. That poetry couplet twas Shakespeare. Iambic pentameter. I am an intellectual.