Tomorrow’s Autumn Enjoyable Trot, and I am not Nixon

From the office of the Mayor:

The City’s Pumpkin Patch Festival went off without a hitch with the minimal amount of pumpkins being used as smashing devices (and no police cars were used as smashing bases, so that’s already a step up from last year), so let’s make sure that this year’s Autumn Enjoyable Trot is just as successful.

As a reminder, children participating in the run MAY wear turkey costumes, but they MUST also wear orange life vests provided by the Lake Drowning Bear Rec Center to avoid both potential hunting accidents by confused hunters and for drowning protection during Bobbing for Apples (in the event that Bobbing for Apples become unsafe and we are forced to change it to Biting for Apples, the life vests will STILL be mandatory). And Bill Grue has assured me that although he will be hiding in the forest watching the events of the Enjoyable Trot unfold through his rifle scope, there will be no gun attached to said scope.

Also, there is no scandal regarding Sir Ryan, and if one more person calls me Pres. Nixon one more time, I WILL have them arrested.

Thank you.

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6 thoughts on “Tomorrow’s Autumn Enjoyable Trot, and I am not Nixon

  1. I hand-made my kids’ orange life vests, complete with turkey feathers and artifacts from REAL native Americans! Well, not real native Americans, the ones that run the casinos. But it’s as close as anyone can get these days.

    • What a surprise, Michelle. But I recently came into contact with a small Native American tribe near the Canadian border that allowed my children to wear their oldest, most sacred artifact on the Byron Autumn Enjoyable Trot. It’s a turquoise headdress with blood from actual human sacrifices dating back to the Incans and Aztecs. It might disintegrate in the run, but it’ll be worth it as we proudly display our 1/164th Cherokee blood this Thanksgiving.

      • Well, I must say I was in fact impressed by your costume choice, Susan. I’ll be sure to let David Lurkes from the Byron City Historical Society know you’re using ancient american artifacts that should be in a museum for children’s costumes. He’ll love the idea!

  2. It’s a halfwit idea, Chuck. Nobody listens to me, but just you wait. The ex-Turkey Trot will be ruined and you’ll see that you should’ve listened to me. You’ll all see….

    Tricky Dick.

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