From the office of the Mayor:
The City’s Pumpkin Patch Festival went off without a hitch with the minimal amount of pumpkins being used as smashing devices (and no police cars were used as smashing bases, so that’s already a step up from last year), so let’s make sure that this year’s Autumn Enjoyable Trot is just as successful.
As a reminder, children participating in the run MAY wear turkey costumes, but they MUST also wear orange life vests provided by the Lake Drowning Bear Rec Center to avoid both potential hunting accidents by confused hunters and for drowning protection during Bobbing for Apples (in the event that Bobbing for Apples become unsafe and we are forced to change it to Biting for Apples, the life vests will STILL be mandatory). And Bill Grue has assured me that although he will be hiding in the forest watching the events of the Enjoyable Trot unfold through his rifle scope, there will be no gun attached to said scope.
Also, there is no scandal regarding Sir Ryan, and if one more person calls me Pres. Nixon one more time, I WILL have them arrested.