End of Occupy Byron City makes me sad I can’t watch the city’s scum all at once

At first I was annoyed at the Occupy Byron City movement: pointless copycats of another group of pointless copycats of the original 60s pointless dirty hippie, who were horrible people, too, and still roam our woods at night in search of places to run around naked and hairy. One of these days the people of this city will thank me for my many hippie traps I have scattered through the forest and in some parts of town (be wary of the tea house).

But now that it’s over, I’m sad, because I realized that I was able to keep an eye on all the city’s scum at once. Doing my routine sweep of the entire city used to take me all day, but with Occupy Byron City, I was able to simply hide in the bushes of city hall in my ghillie suit eating dehydrated peaches and peeing in a beer bottle. I suppose I got used to being lazy. Now I’m back to my grueling routine of peeking through neighbors’ windows at night and knocking and running to make sure no terrorists have taken anyone hostage inside. Fun, but still a lot more work than during that week and a half of protests.

P.S. Mayor Chuck, I apologize for the collection of urine beer bottles I left in front of city hall.

There's one now!


8 thoughts on “End of Occupy Byron City makes me sad I can’t watch the city’s scum all at once

  1. We’re not hippies, man. This is a movement of the 99% and the plight of poor americans everywhere! Just ask Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, Kanye West, Alec Baldwin, Russell Simmons, and other celebrities who REALLY get our financial troubles.

  2. Hark, I verily mourn the loss of our belove’d protest as well, but ’tis for the best. Our fair towne will be all the better for it.

    And I can assure you that your demands and pleas will not fall on deaf ears while’st I humbly occupy a seat on the city counsel, which was NOT, I assure you, acquired by blackmail or treachery, as was suggested in recent blog posts: http://cityofbyroncity.com/2011/10/28/hark-i-thus-call-for-a-cease-to-all-occupation/

    I am but an honest gent who humbly desires to serve his fellow gentlemen and ladies. Take faith, dear Byronites! The dawn of the golden age of Byron is upon us!

  3. Well with Sir Pansy on the city counsel, I think it’s safe to say we’re all going to die.

    And Evan, you left your panties in my yard.

  4. Peggy, first, they are called boxer briefs, not panties. Second, I didn’t leave them in your yard because that’s not me in the picture and all my panties…I mean boxer briefs, are all present and accounted for in my…you know what, I don’t have to respond to this. I have patients to get to.

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