I was driving to work this morning and I noticed that a few neighbors already have their Halloween decorations up. These are the same neighbors who routinely put up Christmas decorations BEFORE thanksgiving and start drinking heavily BEFORE St. Patrick’s day. It makes me wonder: is the Antichrist on the earth, and does he live in Byron City?
Now while early Christmas is excusable, and early drinking is only a small deviation from the day to day, halloween pays tribute to Lucifer himself, and putting up decorations early shows a little TOO much eagerness to break out the Wigi board and communicate with your Wicken relatives to ask them what hell is like.
I’m tired of seeing these pagans displaying their Satan-O’-Lanterns before the trees even start losing their leaves every year. It’s not only annoying to me, but it’s also an eyesore for neighbors who are concerned with their own property values.
Next thing you know, hippies from New York will be taking over the town and Susan Sarandon and Michael Moore will show up as keynote speakers of the Demon Day celebrations. It wouldn’t be the first time those two supported Beelzebub’s posse.
That being said, I’d like to recommend more Port-o-Johns at the Pumpkin Patch Festival this year. Last year’s accommodations were well below tolerable. I had to throw out my favorite trousers. And I recommend against eating Susan’s Peach Cobbler.
Dr. Evan Frederick