Hello subscribers and newcomers! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and some of you might still be wondering what you can do to make this special night extra special for that special someone. Well, as an aspiring gossip/advise columnist, I took to the streets to ask the special people of Byron City what kind of advice they would give to the longing-lovers of the world.
Lonely Valentine’s Day Tips
by Shane Jericho, recent college grad and tax accountant, former star quarterback for Byron City High
Well, my girlfriend broke up with me just a few days ago (I don’t think she realized Valentine’s Day was coming up or I think she would have waited until after I bought her a fancy dinner and a ton of flowers to cut the cord), so this is more like Single’s Awareness day for me. But I’ve got a lot of fun ideas that will be even better than the carriage ride and candle-lit lake-side dinner on the pier I had planned.
Valentine’s Day Activities for Singles
- Watch Lord of the Rings and pretend Frodo and Sam are dating. It’s like a romantic comedy!
- Do the dishes using only heart-shaped scrub motions. It’s a lot more challenging than you’d think!
- Make a bouquet out of the clippings from your herb garden.
- When you read your fortune cookie from your Chinese takeout, end it by adding “…in bed.” to the end. Lol, it’s hilarious.
- I’m so lonely.
I guess the point is, just be creative. And interesting. And don’t peak in high school. And don’t say I love you too soon or she’ll break up with you just before Valentine’s Day. Even though you’ve been dating for over six months and it’s time you said it. And don’t call her on Valentine’s day, no matter how much you miss her. I’m calling her.
Valentine’s Day Activities for Single Girls
by Tiffany Kim, student at Byron City Community College, fashionista, total geek lol
Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago (I didn’t realize Valentine’s Day was coming up or I TOTALLY would have let him wine and dine me first before breaking it off, boo), so this is yet another Single’s Awareness day for me. But I called my best girlfriend and we have a few awesome ideas for us single girls to that will be better than the lame dinner and movie my ex-boyfriend probably had planned.
Valentine’s Day Activities for Single Girls
- Dress slutty and go to a club to enjoy being annoyed by all the guys hitting on you. And free drinks!
- I’m out of ideas
But it’s a start! We’ll just see where the night takes us! Hold on, someone’s calling. TTFN!
V-Day Tips for Pets!
Stephanie Banks-Dickson, former Miss Byron City Pageant Winner, Wife, and Owner of Faux Paws Pet Grooming
Re-Create the Lady and the Tramp Spaghetti Scene
I absolutely LOVE celebrating Valentine’s Day with my pets! Every year I re-create the scene from Disney’s Lady and the Tramp, giving my pets their own romantic evening complete with a plate of puppy spaghetti. They mostly just get spaghetti everywhere and then throw it up in my closet later, but still it’s so cute!
Dress to Impress
Even if your pet is a single pouch, fear not! You can still have fun dressing them in cute outfits for the occasion. Here’s Princess Puddle Pants in her cute Valentine’s outfit this year. She’s ready to hit the town and find herself a top dog!*
*Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets
How to Totally Get Some This Valentine’s Day
by Brandon Zequera, Lead Singer and Guitarist of his own band, Brandon Zequera.
Dude, I’m never alone on Valentine’s Day and I don’t even try, so just relax. And if you have some chick you’re trying to round the bases with, and want to make sure you make the right moves that manipulate her emotional feminine heart back to your pad, here’s what you do.
Even better than the real thing.
Email a Card: Email her a V-day card pdf. It’s fast and cheap, and basically gets the job done. Limit any custom message to five words. Sending some long, sappy, hand-written love note basically tells her you cry all of the time and are essentially a woman, so don’t do that. But don’t do nothing, either. Minimal effort is key.
Go someplace reservations aren’t required: Going out to eat on V-day sucks, it’s way too busy and stressful and expensive. You don’t want to try too hard anyways. That turns girls off. Go someplace like a café or fast-casual restaurant where you don’t need reservations.
Be generous: Don’t be cheap on V-day. This is her special night, so offer to split the bill. Don’t expect her to pay the whole bill this time.
If all else fails, play the guitar. Works every time.
You’re welcome. Good luck, dudes.